AUDITION: IMPROBABLE

A Lecture by Professor Bruno von Hörnigschnegel

Back by popular demand, Professor Hörnigschnegel now addresses the perils and pitfalls of live auditions. Once again calling upon an actual audition—this time a live recording of an onstage final round—the Professor guides the listener through the unfolding drama, as a talented but much-misguided musician demonstrates vividly and repeatedly how not to win a major orchestra principal horn position. Added to the Professor's elucidations are pertinent, probing musical insights from a presiding world-class Maestro, as he attempts in vain to coax greatness from the unwilling candidate. As an extra bonus, there are frank and constructive discussions of performance anxiety, preparing for "trick" excerpts, performance practice in various styles, maintaining status in the Guiness Book of World Records, Einstein's theory of relativity, and many other gems. 

Professor von Hörnigschnegel's lecture was delivered at the annual conference of the southern chapter, Society for the Promulgation of Learned Audition Tactics (S.P.L.A.T). 

AUDITION: IMPROBABLE

The fine print... 

Written and produced by Roger Kaza. Recorded, edited and mixed by Ernie Wells. Eighth Note productions, Inc., Houston, Texas. 7/96–4/97 Mastering by Rodney Meyers, Sound Engineering.

PERFORMERS:

Roger Kaza, horn ("candidate")

Patti Wolf, piano

William Ver Meulen, Brian Thomas, Philip Stanton, Bruce Henniss, horns

VOICES:

INTRODUCER: Isabel Trautwein

PROFESSOR HÖRNIGSCHNEGEL: Roger Kaza

PERSONNEL MANAGER: Bruce Henniss

CANDIDATE: Brian Thomas

MAESTRO: William Ver Meulen

CANDIDATE'S MOM: Nancy Goodearl

SECURITY GUARD: Philip Stanton

HEAD COP: William Ver Meulen

MILDRED SILVERBLATT: Patti Wolf

PERCUSSION DUDES: Scott Lindquist

- other miscellaneous voices by above cast

Thanks to: John for the Kruspe, Sharon for the Yamaha, Phil for the Wiener-horn, Erica for the "guest edit," Robert Walp, David Kirk for some fine "e's," the Schmutzig folks for a gag, my parents, teachers, colleagues and of course Maestri for inspiration. And... perhaps... one too many auditions?

DON'T DUB THIS CD!! Disc may slime in protest, destroying your machine. Order another.